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May 04 2012
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Blogging, Elementary School, Family, Just for Fun, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting

Answers to My Own Skeptical Questions about The Avengers

Who doesn’t love a weeknight date with an 8-year-old? Monday night, I took DJ to see The Avengers and, rather than do a typical movie review, I thought I’d just blurt out the answers to the questions that were on my mind before I went to see it.

Q: I heard on NPR that they opened Avengers overseas first so they could recoup the investment in the movie before it opened in the U.S. (An indication U.S. sales may slip.) Did it really suck that bad?

A: Uh…NO…absolutely not. When I heard that, I was expecting to be “meh” about the whole thing, quite honestly. I took advantage of the free tickets because I knew DJ would be excited to see a movie before it came out. But I was genuinely, thoroughly entertained. So much so that DJ and I immediately came home and told Scoot that we should go see it again as a family.

Q: Will the dirty looks I get for taking my elementary school aged kid to see this be justified or no?

A: No. DJ is 8. I was nervous about taking him to a PG-13 movie that I hadn’t prescreened. He’s seen other PG-13 movies (e.g., Transformers) but we usually get the chance to see them first to make sure the violence isn’t too extreme or too real and the sexual innuendo isn’t too over the top. He. LOVED. It. There was only one scene with “real” blood…most of the rest of the “violence” was either fist fighting-style or big explosions that weren’t particularly graphic. The sexual references were subtle enough that they went well over his head. And DJ laughed and laughed and laughed at the jokes. There was a tiny kid (maybe 3 or 4?) in the audience and he did just fine. Though he’s not a huge fan of 3D, I think Bop (age 5) would even enjoy it. (He loves him some super heroes.)

Q: I’m more of DC Comics/Batman freak fan. Will I like a Marvel movie?

A: Do you like action? Characters with great chemistry? Funny jokes? Awesome fight scenes? Big explosions? Samuel L. Jackson? Baseball and apple pie? If so, you’ll enjoy it even without Bruce Wayne. (Sorry, Bruce, you know I still love you.)

Q: Does this movie stay true to the comic books?

A: I have no idea. I don’t do comic books. But I do know that there were CLEARLY some comic book fans in the full theater… (many looked just.like.this.)…

…and they CLEARLY enjoyed the movie. They were hootin’ and hollerin’ throughout the whole thing and when a new character was introduced (one they obviously recognized), they cheered with excitement. I’d say that the comic book geek endorsement level was quite high.

Q: Do you need to have seen Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, or The Incredible Hulk to “get” this movie?

A: No. I’d seen Captain American and Iron Man 1 and 2. DJ had only seen Iron Man, I believe. We both really enjoyed the characters, their roles in the film and their development throughout the film. Though some of them disappear for a bit, they all get reasonably equal billing…no small feat for this kind of ensemble cast.

Q: I don’t really like Scarlett Johansson. Is she going to ruin this movie for me?

A: She won me over in her first scene.

I mean, the chair part? Awesome. And she held onto me throughout the rest of the film.

Q: Do I really need to see it in 3D?

A: I only saw it in 3D so I have nothing to compare it to. But I thought they handled the 3D well. Gone are the days when you need to be hit over the head time and again with cutesy 3D tricks. With the novelty of 3D long worn off, I prefer my 3D effects to be seamlessly integrated into the movie so that it enhances the story without calling attention to itself. This movie succeeded at that. So I’d say, go see it in 3D and take advantage of the craftsmanship.

Q: Do I need to walk, run or run away from this one?

A: Run. See it when the theaters are packed with comic book buffs. It’s like having a bottle of wine with a wine connoisseur or going to an art museum with an artist. I sincerely felt like I enjoyed it more being around others who were so clearly enjoying it.

**Disclosure: I received two free passes to this screening from Disney. I was not asked to write about it nor was I compensated for this post. The opinions expressed here are my own. And DJ’s. Heh.**

Apr 17 2012
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Business, Family, Just for Fun, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting, Sports, Vacation

Everyday He’s Shufflin’: While You Were Out, Spring Break Edition

Ever since he was en utero, DJ has loved to dance. After seven years of saying we should enroll him in a dance class, we finally put him in hip hop and breakdancing last fall. As I saw him on stage at his recital in December, cheesin’ and basking in the spotlight as he popped, locked, glided and B-boy’d across the stage, I was struck hard – deep in my chest – with a feeling I’ve never felt before; one that’s hard to explain. I became acutely aware of and physically plugged into just how happy he was.

After his recital, I ran into his hip hop teacher backstage and, choking back tears, thanked her for helping him find that happiness. I’m certain she thinks I’m crazy, but it’s really hard to describe that feeling of seeing your child personify passion in such a way for the first time.

Fast-forward a few weeks. We had been toying with the idea of redoing DJ’s bedroom for some time. It was themed after his favorite movie as a toddler, Cars. Four years, one sequel and leap into the “tween” phase later, it seemed that we were nearing the time when we should stop talking and start acting.

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A few quick Google searches later and I realized I could buy him a small dance floor that he could practice on, maybe a mirror to watch his technique and, perhaps, some cool art for the walls. Then Scoot remembered a show he’d seen at a local art school where an interior designer had a hip hop-style room on display. He went to the school and inquired about the designer who has since graduated. Less than a day later, I was on the phone with Dee asking if she had any interest in designing a bedroom for an eight-year-old aspiring B-boy. She leapt at the chance.

I thought hiring an interior designer was something only rich people could do, but I quickly figured out that A.) It wasn’t nearly as expensive as I expected it to be; B.) She had a lot of creative ideas for materials and execution that saved us money; and C.) The results would end up being so much better than anything we could have come up with on our own.

We went away for spring break and came back to this (sorry, I had to pixelate some of the pictures to blur their names so you can’t really see the full effect of the graffiti):

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I think he likes it…

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*** If anyone in the Sacramento region needs an interior designer, I HIGHLY recommend Dee. She’s creative, professional, courteous and flexible. Her portfolio includes all sorts of styles, room types, sizes, etc. If you give her a call, tell her Emmie sent you. I didn’t get anything for saying this…it’s just a heart-felt endorsement of her work from a very satisfied client. ***

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Mar 21 2012
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Elementary School, Facebook, Family, Fashion, Friends, Lemons, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Our 'Hood, Parenting, Politics, Race

One Million Hoodies

“Have DJ wear his hoodie today,” Scoot whispered as he woke me up to say goodbye this morning.

“Huh?” I replied, still very sleepy.

“It’s the Million Hoodie March today for Trayvon Martin,” he replied.

“Oh, ok. Yeah,” I said.

One more snooze cycle later, I was up and in DJ’s room talking to both boys about getting dressed. “Wear your hoodie today, DJ,” I told him.

“OK. Why?”

And so it began, a weighty conversation to be having with an eight year old at six-something in the morning. I explained to him the story of Trayvon Martin. That he was killed by an adult. That he was Black. That he was wearing a hoodie in a neighborhood where this adult didn’t think he belonged. That it could have been anyone with the wrong colored skin wearing a hoodie that night. I will likely never forget the look on his face when he asked if Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. got involved like after Bloody Sunday and I replied, “No, DJ, this didn’t happen back then. This happened just a few weeks ago.”

Just a couple weeks ago, as we pulled out of the parking lot following DJ’s baseball game onto a street in our somewhat diverse suburb, I did a double-take at the green truck ahead of us. “What the f**k?” I said in disbelief to Scoot as I flipped to the camera on my phone. The entire back of the truck was covered with racist, derogatory bumper stickers exactly like the ones you’ve seen reposted on Facebook. (No, that’s not my picture. Frankly, the one I took was even worse.) This didn’t happen in the Deep South. It happened in liberal California. In 2012.

Just a few years ago, Scoot and I were shopping at a mall. A display just before the entrance to a high-end department store caught my eye and I slowed. Not seeing me, Scoot walked into the men’s section of the department store, far enough ahead that no one could know that we were together. As I walked in behind him, I noticed a salesman tailing him. I watched as he, a twenty-something father stopping by the store to check out shirts and ties for his white collar job, was followed suspiciously.

Just a score ago, Black friends and schoolmates who lived in the same uber-liberal town that I grew up in were followed home from school by White administrators who were suspicious of their residency. They couldn’t fathom that these Black kids’ parents could possibly afford a home in this well-off city. In their mind, those kids must live on the other side of the creek, not in our district.

Sometimes it’s hard to do more than shake my head at these occasionally subtle, often overt expressions of suspicion based solely on the color of someone’s skin and the sense they don’t belong. I’ve been amazed by the conversations I’ve had and heard with and between other White people who won’t or don’t believe that these things take place. Still. Today. It confuses me why they walk around in ignorance or defiance, unable or unwilling to raise their voices, even in the safe confines of conversations with people who look like them, and say, “Yeah, I noticed that. It’s messed up.” And when I raise my voice, I get frustrated when other White parents act like I’m some hypersensitive wing-nut for talking to my children about such things, “forcing them to grow up too fast” rather than “protecting their innocence.”

There are seventeen year old kids out there, my nephews (who are Black) included, who walk around with hoodies on. They deserve to have their innocence protected too.

There is much that can and has been said about this atrocity. There will be much more said, I’m sure. Having my kids wear hoodies today won’t change anything. But talking to them about it, being honest with them about the world they live in, teaching them what’s right, and empowering them to do something, anything to keep this kind of tragedy from happening again? Not just today but everyday? Some day, that just might.

Feb 29 2012
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Blogging, Facebook, Family, Lemons, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting

Happy Delete Your Google Web Search History Day!!! (Oh, and Happy Leap Year)

I’m a horribly complacent (and pessimistic) web user. Despite Path doing shady stuff with my iPhone contacts, I downloaded their update and kept on using them. I willingly pin on Pinterest (though to be fair, I have a strong bias against repinning others’ pins if they don’t link to original content). I’ve never threatened to quit Facebook. When Google first announced changes to their privacy policy that would allow them to do something likely sinister with the unthinkable amounts of data they have about me, I hit “Dismiss.” I started seeing posts on Facebook about how to delete your Google web search history. I ignored them. As this week began, they were posted with increased frequency and increased urgency. Oh yeah. That. Maybe I should take a look. And so, yesterday I decided to give it a shot and see what all the brou-ha-ha was about.

The first two pages weren’t all that interesting. I am constantly logged into Google and use it frequently for work. My search history would bore pretty much anyone. So I clicked the little button that said, “Earliest.”

This is what I found:

February 10, 2006. My first Google search (while logged in). I searched for baby names. February 10, 2006. B-Bop was born almost nine months later. This? Was the week I found out I was pregnant with Bop. Maybe even the day. And I turned to Google to ask what I should name him.

That? Is kind of a big deal. At least to me it is. There was one other person in the whole wide world who knew I was pregnant and that was Scoot. (Cat’s out the bag for the rest of y’all now.)

And that’s the thing about privacy. I want to control who I tell what to and when. And I want to “have my cake and eat it too” by being able to use the genius inventions of others to explore and learn and probe and express without having to abdicate my rights to that kind (and other kinds) of privacy. I want it to not be too much to ask.

Google, I love you. I’ve been hanging out with you for a long time. But, please, please, I’m begging you…don’t mess this up. Understand, I’m willing to give you little pieces of information about me so you can sustain your business model. In fact, I frequently click on advertisers’ sponsored links to make you money (even when their links are the first to show up in search) in some form of backwards spite.

But, Google, you were the second person (ok, I know you’re not a person but whatever, you know what I’m saying) that I told I was pregnant. I Googled my way through that pregnancy, through my subsequent job search, through my move across the country and house search, through my miscarriage and doubts and depression and worries and absolute freakouts, through raising my kids and asking if they’re “normal,” through finding soccer leagues and dance studios and places to vacation. Google, I (stupidly? blindly? but willingly) trust you a whole lot. Please, please don’t let me down.

Feb 14 2012
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Family, Food, Holidays, Just for Fun, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting

Who Am I Anyway?

When I realized I’d be home before the boys tonight, I asked DJ what he’d like for Valentine’s Day dinner. He said, “I don’t know. Something heart-shaped.”

And this? Is why so many people have fallen in love with Pinterest. One search for “heart-shaped” yielded me three easy courses for our special Valentine’s Day breakfast-for-dinner.

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(Red-and-white heart-shaped pancakes, heart-shaped bacon, heart-shaped watermelon.)

Feb 08 2012
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Business, Child Care, Elementary School, Family, Food, Lemons, Marriage, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting, Work

The Working Mom’s Guide to Business Travel: 10 Tips and Tricks to Keep You and Your Family Sane While You’re Away

January was a busy month of business travel for me. With three business trips in as many weeks (two of which were cross-country) as well as three separate trips (one for all of us, two others for Scoot) to the Bay, it would have been easy for any one of the four of us to have a complete meltdown. I was pleasantly surprised with how well it went. Though most of the credit goes to having a more-than-capable husband willing and able to stand in for me while I’m away and my dad who pinched hit for a couple days while we were both away, I also like to think that the tricks I’ve developed over the years have helped make my absence less burdensome to Scoot and the boys. In the hopes of helping others relieve some of the stress (and, perhaps, guilt) that come with being a traveling working mom, I thought I’d share my experiences.

  1. Plan ahead. While Scoot is responsible for cooking meals most weeknights anyway, I usually develop a weekly meal plan that he follows so he doesn’t have to think about what he should make and we’re sure to have everything he needs in the fridge/pantry. Before I leave for a trip, I write out the meals for the week and, if appropriate, where to find the recipes and post them on the fridge. Anything that is out of the ordinary such as snack day, fundraisers due, etc. are dealt with ahead of time to minimize the number of things he has to remember in my absence. We let the boys get hot lunch or have a Lunchables (I know, not the greatest nutritional options but the vast majority of the boys’ lunches are quite well-rounded and health-conscious) to make getting out in the mornings as easy as possible.
  2. Do ahead. When I leave, I try to have the first day’s meal in the crockpot and the first day’s lunches made. I double-check to make sure all the bills are paid so neither of us has to worry about that while I’m away. I hate coming home to a messy house and a sink full of dishes but I understand how hard it is to find time for cleaning during a busy week. I’ve found that the cleaner I leave the house, the cleaner it’s likely to be upon my return. Think beyond the day of your return as well. Planning the day after my return keeps me from having to be “on” as soon as I get home. (See also, #10.)
  3. Keep a routine. Having mom gone can be disruptive so keeping a routine for the boys is important. We do whatever we can to keep their before and after school routines as normal as possible. Scoot, DJ and I share a Google calendar and I put everything (basketball practices, dress-up days at school, library book due dates, etc.) on there so all three of us know what’s supposed to happen on each day. I also make sure to tell the boys’ teachers/daycare workers that I’ll be gone so they can adapt to funky moods or the need for a little extra TLC (this was especially true when they were in daycare/preschool).
  4. Allow for fun. My mom didn’t travel much for work but the times that she did were great fun for me and my dad. I have fond memories of going to St. Louis Cardinals games at Busch Stadium on *gasp!* weeknights while my mom was off at her conferences (there’s no way would that ever fly if she were home). Though I don’t want to break the bank or get the boys’ routines out of whack, I generally encourage some special “Mom is gone, let’s go crazy” activities like a trip to the ice cream shop or a special dinner out. This extends past my return as well. If at all possible, I try to make sure Scoot gets some down time when I get home so that he can unwind without the boys too.
  5. Plan travel around your family. Sometimes meeting times, flight costs and schedules, and company policies dictate what times and days I travel. But if I can leave after morning drop-off (Scoot does pick-up anyway) or get back in time for dinner and bedtime routines, those extra few hours of being able to provide my regular contribution to our family’s day are incredibly helpful. Not to mention the fact that each extra day of added care for the boys costs $32. If I can at all make it work, I try to schedule my trips so that I leave and return while they’re at school.
  6. Pack fast and light. Even my dog gets stressed out when I bring out a suitcase and spend hours debating what to put in it. Dragging out my preparation just rubs my boys’ noses in the fact I’ll be leaving them so I try to pack either after they’re in bed or when they’re off at school right before I leave. Even when I was away for an entire week, I packed in a carry-on so I could get off the plane and into my car to get home to them as quickly as possible. I find little worse than being “home” but delaying my arrival home for 30 minutes or more while standing around waiting for luggage.
  7. Stay in touch. Technology is a godsend for the traveling mom. Even on a regular day, Scoot and I are in frequent communication with each other about home life. Being available (when I’m not working or in meetings) to answer quick questions like, “Where are Bop’s basketball shoes?” or being kept abreast of the days’ developments like, “DJ forgot his homework,” help me feel connected and relieve a bit of the pressure on Scoot to keep track of absolutely everything under the sun. Ever since DJ’s gotten his iPod, I’ve used email to send him little notes, letting him know I miss him and am thinking about him and sending little reminders. Bop has discovered Facetime on Scoot’s phone and he LOVES talking to me and making funny faces through it. I’m grateful that it’s so much easier to stay connected than it was a generation ago.
  8. Get rewarded. I’ve signed up for a handful of relevant loyalty programs (airline miles, hotel points, etc.) and take advantage of my travel in order to accrue points that I use for family vacations. I maximize my earning potential by trying to travel on one of two airlines and earn my points wherever I can. (For example, you can usually opt for airline miles instead of or in addition to hotel points at most hotels). I use programs like Star Alliance to focus on accruing on US Air even while traveling on United. Similarly, because I have to use a personal card and get reimbursed for travel expenses, I signed up a Chase Disney Rewards Visa that accrues points that convert to Disney dollars. On our last trip to DisneyWorld we had $600 worth of Disney dollars accrued that we used for food, souvenirs, hotel and tickets. My philosophy is if I have to travel for work, the least I can do is figure out ways for the boys to benefit from it (besides, you know, the whole paycheck thing. Heh.)
  9. Take care of yourself. Traveling is hard on the body. When I travel for work, many of the factors most important to feeling good are out of my control. But I try my best to eat well (including lots of fiber and lots of water), take my vitamins, get sleep, etc. Sure socializing with coworkers, clients or business associates can be fun and sometimes required, but late nights out – especially those that involved drinking – can take their toll. I try to take advantage of the peace and quiet that come with being alone in a hotel by reading, watching a TV show or movie that I’ve wanted to see and – by far the best part of business travel – sleeping diagonally across the bed.
  10. Celebrate your return. I make sure the boys know when I’m coming home (with the always fun caveat that sometimes things happen and flights get delayed) and I make plans with them for the special things we’re going to do when I return. I pick them up from school (rather than having them go to after school care), take them to lunch or dinner or ice cream, or just get in bed and snuggle with them. Being back together again is certainly cause to celebrate.

So that’s it. I hope some of these tips help relieve the stress and guilt that can accompany a business trip when you’re a wife and mom. What about you? What do you do to make sure everyone survives when you’re from home?

Nov 24 2011
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Blogging, Food, Friends, Holidays, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting

Feed America for just $1

When we picked DJ up from school last week, he asked if he could choose an ornament from his after school program’s “Adopt a Family” tree. “Of course,” we said. After careful consideration, he chose to take responsibility for buying an 8-year-old boy (his age) a pair of pajamas.

We went to the store and picked out a pair. Knowing nothing about this boy, it was tough to figure out what size to get (DJ himself is often between sizes). I suggested that we get a slightly larger size because flannel pajamas were likely to shrink when they were washed.

“But, mom, I don’t think they have a washing machine,” he said.

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“They might live in a car. You know, some kids don’t have houses like we do.”

We’ve been working to teach DJ about giving to others who don’t have access to the things we do. Each year, he goes through his playroom and donates his toys to kids who aren’t as fortunate. He sets aside one-third of his modest allowance to give to charities of his choice. It’s not easy giving on a budget. That has become all that much more obvious over the past few years as we’ve had to cut back our own charitable giving budget. That is exactly why I was so impressed when Megan told me about Feeding America and asked me to help.

The programs offered by Feeding America are vast – from a nationwide network of supported food banks, to programs to supplement government poverty programs that are constantly on the chopping block given our economy, to disaster relief for those facing an unforeseen emergency. These programs help the nearly 49 million Americans – including an astonishing 1 in 5 American children – who go hungry every day.

With just $1, Feeding America can provide 8 nutritious meals to those in need. EIGHT!!!! $5 = 40 meals! $25 = 200!!!

DJ and I talked about how much we feel comfortable giving. What about you? You can click here to donate. When you’re done, head on over to Undomestic Diva’s blog, leave her one comment for every $5 you donate and you can win a $50 gift card to Starbucks.

And if you need help, you can head over to Feeding America’s site to find out more.

May you all have a very happy Thanksgiving.

Oct 16 2011
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Elementary School, Facebook, Family, Just for Fun, Lemons, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Our 'Hood, Parenting, Sports

There Is No “I” in Fan

I can’t stand fickle sports fans. Ironically, I frequently have one in DJ. He doesn’t mean to be one, he just doesn’t know any better. He feels emotionally drawn to many geographies so I was super proud of his response when, on the way to the Sacramento Mountain Lions v. Virginia Destroyers game yesterday, I asked him who he’d root for. “Virginia,” he said. “Why, because daddy played with their quarterback and was coached by their coaches when he was in college?” I asked. “No,” he replied, “because that’s where I’m from.”

This conversation about which ‘hood he claims goes back a few weeks when he inquisitively asked which rappers were from Virginia as he failed to connect with 2Pac and Dr. Dre’s “California Love” the way his parents do. He moved from the Commonwealth to California when he was just three and, while he’s as much of a Cali boy and the next kid in my mind, he feels drawn to the place he was born.

It’s a feeling I understand well as I moved away from the state of my birth as a toddler and then, again, moved in the middle of elementary school to California. In the years since I’ve tried to figure out what I consider to be my “hometown.” (Imagine the angst when Facebook asked me to make such a public declaration.)

For me, my “hometown” claim as a sports fan was complicated by the fact that, just two months after I moved to the San Francisco Bay Area, the SF Giants met the St. Louis Cardinals in the National League Championship Series. I was raised on Cardinals baseball (and football, by the way…why they’re in Phoenix and the L.A. Rams are in my town still baffles me). My earliest baseball memory was being allowed, at a month shy of four years old, to stay up to watch the Cardinals win the 1982 World Series at our townhouse in the St. Louis suburbs. (It’s also the first time I remember my mom being mad at my dad. Heh.)

In the years between then and our move west, my dad took me to Busch Stadium to see the likes of Ozzie Smith and Willie McGee while teaching me how to score a baseball game and heckle an opponent. My pet mouse was named Whitey Herzog.

When the Cards played the Giants, I wasn’t sure just who to root for as the new kid trying to fit in with a school full of Giants fans. Luckily I had little to do with the fate of either team. Yet somehow, I gave myself the leeway to root for the triumphant Cards as they faced the Twins in that World Series, the Oakland A’s as they faced the Dodgers the following year, and then the Giants as they met the A’s in ’89 in the Bay Bridge Series (a series memorable not only for baseball but the earthquake that literally rocked the local fans to our core).

And so, as it has been since, I rooted for the Giants as they made their way to the World Series last year. Now that they’ve imploded, however, I will admit that I “liked” the breaking news from CNN on my FB News Feed that the Cards, my first baseball love, had made it to the World Series (a “like” I gave despite not being able to name a single player from their team.) How’s that for fickle?

But it’s hard out there for a kid…a kid who, for a third of a century, has felt disconnected from all geographic ties of her own. And it is with that experience that I try to cut my own child, a kid who likes the SF 49ers and the Miami Heat, the Sacramento Kings and the Stanford Cardinal, the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers and…the Virginia Destroyers, a  bit of a break as he tries to figure out his own definition of “hometown” and which hometown team belongs to him.

Feb 23 2011
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Blogging, Elementary School, Facebook, Family, Food, Friends, Health & Exercise, Lemons, Me, Myself and I, My Boys, Parenting, Vacation, Work

If You’re Happy and You Know It

Hey, remember me? Yeah, I own this here little place of the interwebs. Nice to see you again. I could write a post (ok, I did…and decided not to hit publish…again) about where I’ve been but instead I thought I’d just cut to the chase and post something new. So here you go…

10 Things I Smiled About Today

1. The # I saw on the scale this morning.

2. Achieving my goal of getting up without hitting the snooze button.

3. DJ choosing to do his homework this morning (rather than tomorrow night) without any prompting.

4. Scoot baking cookies for the Mother-Son Dance Friday night.

5. Having enough calories left today to help be a taste tester of the aforementioned cookies.

6. Catching up with an old friend/colleague.

7. Seeing a new friend/colleague achieve well-deserved satisfaction.

8. Getting an email from my friend who seems to make it her life’s work to have me in stitches on a daily basis.

9. Looking at a calendar and realizing I will be seeing a bunch of my friends real soon.

10. Straightening my desk before I left the office for the night.

What made you smile today?

Sep 02 2010
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My Boys, Parenting

Seven Things

DJ,

As your seventh birthday approached, I found myself saying things like, “Why do they have to grow so fast?” and “Can’t he just be a baby forever?” A lot of my mom (and many of my non-mom) friends commiserated. But the thing is, those questions aren’t really honest. Sure you’re entering a stage in life where you’re going to change, where you won’t need me as much, and at some point your growth will mean growing away from me. I have no desire for you to be stunted in your growth; it’s just that you are so perfect to me. Yet if seven years has taught me anything, it’s that tomorrow you’re going to be even better than you are today.

I am proud of you for growing, for becoming more independent, for changing. But if you were to ask me for advice about what you should never change, I’d tell you this:

1. Stay hopeful. Nothing is impossible to you. You want to travel the world and see new things. You never assume the worst about people. You have faith that things will turn out the way they’re supposed to. Just this week, you asked if the guy who stole our car was out of jail yet. I asked you why, worried you might be afraid he’d come to our house to do us harm. You said, “Because I want to make sure he’s a good guy now and won’t do any more bad things.” My heart filled with pride. Sometimes people will hurt you; sometimes people will do you wrong. But keep that hope in your heart alive.

2. Stay thoughtful. Wherever you are, you are looking out for people. Whether it is friends or family, you are constantly anticipating others’ needs and doing what you can to make sure they’re met. You hoard snacks and toys so you can bring them home to share with your brother. When you’re away from me or daddy, you make us cards and gifts. You help your (not so) baby cousin and look for presents that you think he’d like. This summer, you drew a picture for every friend you were planning to invite to your birthday party. You have them all lined up on the table ready to hand out. Last month, you suggested that daddy and I have another baby, not because you want a younger sibling but because “another baby would make you guys [me and daddy] so happy.” What kid says things like that? It is the reason why people, both adults and kids, love to be around you. When I was a kid I loved the song “Love is Something If You Give It Away,” which says if you give love away you’ll end up having more. Keep thinking of others and giving your love away.

3. Stay compassionate. You not only think of others’ feelings, you feel them deep in your soul. You truly love thy neighbor as thyself. You are joyful when others have joy; you are deeply troubled when others are in distress. You go past feeling pity, you experience the same emotions that others are experiencing. It’s a rare gift to really, truly “get” what someone else is going through. It’s easy to say you understand, it’s easy to have sympathy. But empathy and compassion, those are much more complex traits. Imagine how different the world would be if more people had them like you do. Your compassion can change the world. Keep empathizing with others.

4. Stay reliable. You are by far a better big brother to B-Bop than I could ever have hoped for. You help him get dressed in the morning. You tie his shoes. You make his breakfast. You are the most responsible seven year old I’ve ever known. I often feel guilty that I don’t do more for you, worried that your ability to take on more responsibilities isn’t proportionate to the propriety of you having them at your age. This morning, as a birthday present to you, I decided I wouldn’t ask anything of you. I didn’t tell you this would be your present, I just hoped it would lighten your load for the day. I didn’t tell you to get dressed or eat breakfast or brush your teeth. I didn’t have you let the dogs out or in. I just let you be. You responded by waking up with the alarm that you insist on setting, getting dressed, putting lotion on, finding socks and shoes, going potty, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth, putting your snack together, and preparing your backpack. All by 7:30, a full hour before we have to leave. You make being your mom easy. You’re steady, consistent. Like me, you like to plan. When you say you’re going to do something, you do it. People know who in their lives they can depend on and those people become their rocks. Keep being dependable.

5. Stay coachable. If there is one word your teachers and soccer and basketball coaches use to describe you, it’s “coachable.” I’m not sure where you got that from because I’m confident it’s the last word any of my or daddy’s coaches would have used to describe us. It’s a simple word but it means so much. It means you listen, you absorb, you practice to perfection, you try. Those attributes, those habits, that drive…that is going to get you through life. It implies a humility that is essential to learning, something I hope you’ll do for the rest of your life. Keep listening, keep learning, keep growing.

6. Stay romantic. From the time you were about three-and-a-half, you’ve been very interested in girls. You’ve never been inappropriate or rude. But you are a full-on romantic. I worry about you getting your heart broken and I know it’s bound to happen some time. My hope for you is that you don’t let it stifle your innate desire to have a girl in your life that you’d do anything for. I’ve found such joy in my love of your dad and his of me, in the partnership that goes with marriage, in living for the rest of my life with my best friend by my side. I wish nothing more that you find a partner to travel through life with you. Love is the greatest thing. Keep love in your life and in your heart.

7. Stay grateful. When you say grace at the dinner table and you thank the Lord for your family and your friends, it’s clear you mean it. Last night I came home with a surprise gift for you, a notebook and pencil case so you can journal during our upcoming trip. You immediately thanked me and gave me a hug. You are a gracious recipient of gifts, especially the immaterial kind. People don’t give of themselves just to make you happy, they give of themselves to experience their own feeling of pleasure that comes with pleasing others. When you show gratitude, you’re giving back a gift does much more than a thank you card ever could. Keep giving the gift of gratitude to others; keep being thankful.

Seven years ago, you were a newborn baby who needed everything from me. Seven years from now, you’ll be a fourteen year old who wants nothing to do with me. Then, now and forever, you’re going to hold your own special piece of my heart. I hope as you grow you’ll keep these things with you and remember just how much your mommy adores you.

I love you, DJ. I hope you’re having a very happy birthday.

Love,

Mommy

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