DJ,
As your seventh birthday approached, I found myself saying things like, “Why do they have to grow so fast?” and “Can’t he just be a baby forever?” A lot of my mom (and many of my non-mom) friends commiserated. But the thing is, those questions aren’t really honest. Sure you’re entering a stage in life where you’re going to change, where you won’t need me as much, and at some point your growth will mean growing away from me. I have no desire for you to be stunted in your growth; it’s just that you are so perfect to me. Yet if seven years has taught me anything, it’s that tomorrow you’re going to be even better than you are today.
I am proud of you for growing, for becoming more independent, for changing. But if you were to ask me for advice about what you should never change, I’d tell you this:
1. Stay hopeful. Nothing is impossible to you. You want to travel the world and see new things. You never assume the worst about people. You have faith that things will turn out the way they’re supposed to. Just this week, you asked if the guy who stole our car was out of jail yet. I asked you why, worried you might be afraid he’d come to our house to do us harm. You said, “Because I want to make sure he’s a good guy now and won’t do any more bad things.” My heart filled with pride. Sometimes people will hurt you; sometimes people will do you wrong. But keep that hope in your heart alive.
2. Stay thoughtful. Wherever you are, you are looking out for people. Whether it is friends or family, you are constantly anticipating others’ needs and doing what you can to make sure they’re met. You hoard snacks and toys so you can bring them home to share with your brother. When you’re away from me or daddy, you make us cards and gifts. You help your (not so) baby cousin and look for presents that you think he’d like. This summer, you drew a picture for every friend you were planning to invite to your birthday party. You have them all lined up on the table ready to hand out. Last month, you suggested that daddy and I have another baby, not because you want a younger sibling but because “another baby would make you guys [me and daddy] so happy.” What kid says things like that? It is the reason why people, both adults and kids, love to be around you. When I was a kid I loved the song “Love is Something If You Give It Away,” which says if you give love away you’ll end up having more. Keep thinking of others and giving your love away.
3. Stay compassionate. You not only think of others’ feelings, you feel them deep in your soul. You truly love thy neighbor as thyself. You are joyful when others have joy; you are deeply troubled when others are in distress. You go past feeling pity, you experience the same emotions that others are experiencing. It’s a rare gift to really, truly “get” what someone else is going through. It’s easy to say you understand, it’s easy to have sympathy. But empathy and compassion, those are much more complex traits. Imagine how different the world would be if more people had them like you do. Your compassion can change the world. Keep empathizing with others.
4. Stay reliable. You are by far a better big brother to B-Bop than I could ever have hoped for. You help him get dressed in the morning. You tie his shoes. You make his breakfast. You are the most responsible seven year old I’ve ever known. I often feel guilty that I don’t do more for you, worried that your ability to take on more responsibilities isn’t proportionate to the propriety of you having them at your age. This morning, as a birthday present to you, I decided I wouldn’t ask anything of you. I didn’t tell you this would be your present, I just hoped it would lighten your load for the day. I didn’t tell you to get dressed or eat breakfast or brush your teeth. I didn’t have you let the dogs out or in. I just let you be. You responded by waking up with the alarm that you insist on setting, getting dressed, putting lotion on, finding socks and shoes, going potty, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth, putting your snack together, and preparing your backpack. All by 7:30, a full hour before we have to leave. You make being your mom easy. You’re steady, consistent. Like me, you like to plan. When you say you’re going to do something, you do it. People know who in their lives they can depend on and those people become their rocks. Keep being dependable.
5. Stay coachable. If there is one word your teachers and soccer and basketball coaches use to describe you, it’s “coachable.” I’m not sure where you got that from because I’m confident it’s the last word any of my or daddy’s coaches would have used to describe us. It’s a simple word but it means so much. It means you listen, you absorb, you practice to perfection, you try. Those attributes, those habits, that drive…that is going to get you through life. It implies a humility that is essential to learning, something I hope you’ll do for the rest of your life. Keep listening, keep learning, keep growing.
6. Stay romantic. From the time you were about three-and-a-half, you’ve been very interested in girls. You’ve never been inappropriate or rude. But you are a full-on romantic. I worry about you getting your heart broken and I know it’s bound to happen some time. My hope for you is that you don’t let it stifle your innate desire to have a girl in your life that you’d do anything for. I’ve found such joy in my love of your dad and his of me, in the partnership that goes with marriage, in living for the rest of my life with my best friend by my side. I wish nothing more that you find a partner to travel through life with you. Love is the greatest thing. Keep love in your life and in your heart.
7. Stay grateful. When you say grace at the dinner table and you thank the Lord for your family and your friends, it’s clear you mean it. Last night I came home with a surprise gift for you, a notebook and pencil case so you can journal during our upcoming trip. You immediately thanked me and gave me a hug. You are a gracious recipient of gifts, especially the immaterial kind. People don’t give of themselves just to make you happy, they give of themselves to experience their own feeling of pleasure that comes with pleasing others. When you show gratitude, you’re giving back a gift does much more than a thank you card ever could. Keep giving the gift of gratitude to others; keep being thankful.
Seven years ago, you were a newborn baby who needed everything from me. Seven years from now, you’ll be a fourteen year old who wants nothing to do with me. Then, now and forever, you’re going to hold your own special piece of my heart. I hope as you grow you’ll keep these things with you and remember just how much your mommy adores you.
I love you, DJ. I hope you’re having a very happy birthday.
Love,
Mommy
