Posted in September 2009

Happy Birthday, Bop!

When I found out we were pregnant with you, I was so excited! Things had been going so well with your big brother, D, and we couldn’t wait to add to our family. All in all my pregnancy was pretty easy. The hypertension that scared my doctors near the end of my pregnancy with D was nowhere to be seen. I traveled A LOT for work which was surprisingly easy because, as I learned, this pregnant woman can sleep anywhere and eat at any time, regardless of the time zone.

One trip was a bit of a challenge. I was in Fresno for a Juneteenth event. It was 114 degrees and we were outside for hours. I drank as much water as I could but I just didn’t feel well. My friend and colleague John used his US Air miles to upgrade me to first class for my red eye flight back home. But by Monday morning, three and a half months before my due date, I was having contractions. I spent the day in the hospital and with some rest and fluids they stopped and I was set free. My boss, a very understanding dad of three, barred me from any more travel.

Your birth was fairly uneventful as well. I had a scheduled C-section since I’d already been through one with D. Though it was easier for me, the anticipation of sitting in an operating room unnerved your dad. He brought his iPod along with him and watched Dave Chapelle’s most recent stand up special while they were delivering you. I was totally awake (just had a spinal block) so quite enjoyed teasing him and rolling my eyes at his weak stomach. At one point, after your dad reported seeing spots, my anesthesiologist asked whether he was going to need some drugs and warned that having to turn his attention away from the woman giving birth because your dad passed out would not be a good thing. Thankfully he kept himself well composed though he left the room as soon as he heard you crying. When he followed you to be checked out by the neonatologist, the doctors and nurses continued to poke fun at him.

You took to nursing beautifully. It was clear to me that I had learned plenty from my first go ’round. I stayed in the hospital with you as long as I could. Once we got home, I let you run the show. Well, you and the realtor. Because, yes, we put our house on the market while I was in the hospital. At a moment’s notice we were ordered out of the house, sometimes just to sit in the townhouse complex’s parking lot while you nursed. But it was always pretty easy. You didn’t fuss much.

We wanted to move back to California so you and D could be close to your family. Your impending arrival served as the catalyst we needed to find a way home. Luckily I was offered a job from one of the consulting firms I had worked closely with. (Our consultants were awfully nice to us when you were born. Your “’lankey” was from one of them. You still sleep with it every day.)On December 7th, just over two months after you were born, we packed up our car, signed over ownership to our house, and took off for California.

You were awesome. We stopped every couple of hours so you could nurse and made it from Lexington, Kentucky to Anaheim, California in three days. What less-than-three-month-old gets to take a trip to Disneyland?!? Maybe it’s the second kid in you, but you’re such a roll with the punches type of guy. You’re a great traveling companion, whether down the street for a quick errand or across the country for a major move.

By the age of 6 months, you were demonstrating your athletic proclivities. In a fairly scary fashion. You’ve been a basketball player from the get go. Your first word was “battebol” (aka basketball). No joke. Even before “mommy” and “daddy”. Before you turned two you were regularly making shots from 10 feet away from your 5 foot basket. This past year you’ve also taken to soccer and baseball. You can hit a ball that is pitched at quite a clip with a power I didn’t know a two-year-old could produce. You love to hang out on the sidelines of your brother’s soccer game passing the ball back and forth with me.

When you were about nine months old-ish, you were playing with a toy at your daycare that, as legend has it, no one else wanted to play with. The toy played music of some kind and was named Bee Bop something-or-other. (Don’t you love how I’m so clear on these details?) Your teacher started calling you B-Bop. Despite the cardinal rule that you NEVER nickname someone else’s baby, we happily adopted it and the name stuck. You now introduce yourself as B-Bop. You may get plenty of funny looks but you’re proud of the name.

You started walking right around the time of your 1st birthday party which was awesome since the entire family was in town to see some of your first steps.

Your speech was a bit delayed because you had some fairly nasty ear infections. Just before your second birthday you had a set of tubes put in. Within 24 hours of your surgery you were saying dozens of words we had never noticed you saying before.

Perhaps because of this you never spoke in words, just sentences. I can’t really explain it but it’s true. You were never a one word kind of guy. (It’s ok, mommy’s not really a one sentence kind of gal. Guess you come by it naturally.)

The only individual words I can recall you saying were numbers, which was also pretty wild. See, you had been making these sounds for a while. On your dad’s and my anniversary, when you were 21 months old, you and I went to the grocery store. “Bie,” you said as we walked down the spice aisle. “Bun-ay,” you said as we were in the produce section. It took me a few minutes but I finally realized you were reading the aisle numbers from the signs high above. We walked past every aisle with you saying the number. I was floored. At your 2-year doctor’s appointment, the doctor said kids should be able to count to ten by age three and asked if you were on your way. I told her you could count to 10 in English and in Spanish. Sorry, I had to brag.

**An awesome video is supposed to go here but I can’t figure out how to upload it and your birthday is almost over so I’ll have to do that part later.**

You’ve got a knack for quoting movie lines. (Trust me, kid, this will come in handy some day.) We often have to stop you from telling people that you “killed a man with *this* thumb.” (Ratatouille) We’ve had plenty of people scratch their heads when you’ve yelled at us, “Jetson, you’re fired!” (The Jetsons) And when we’re down, you remind us that “The impossible *can* become possible, IF. YOU’RE. AWESOME!” (Bolt)

This past year, though, the one between your second and third birthday, has been nothing short of magical. You’ve come into your own. When we went to DisneyWorld just after your second birthday, we expected you to be like your brother, afraid of the big stuffed characters that are all over the parks. Instead, when you set your sights on Mickey Mouse, the first character you saw, you threw yourself out of my arms and ran up to hug him like he was an old friend you hadn’t seen in ages. You became fast friends with every character, and most of the people, you met there.

 Bop and Minnie

You’ve got a hard head. When you’re determined, you’re determined. I’ll admit there has been a time or two (or twenty) where I’ve intentionally made you cry so you’d cry yourself to sleep after SWEARING that you’re not tired. But all in all, you’re a sweet, caring, affectionate guy with a healthy dose of goofiness and a full on admiration of all things D. Every day you amaze me with the thoughts and emotions that go through your little head. I’m glad you had a happy birthday today. May there be many many more happy birthdays to come. I love you, Bop.

Love,

Mommy

Twelve Nineteen

Eight months ago, my junior high school friend, Beth, went through the horror of having her mother leave this Earth too soon. At the time I knew something was going on because Beth and I had reconnected on Facebook prior to her mom’s death and I watched her status updates with worry and confusion. Not too long thereafter, Beth began posting the story on a blog of her own.

Beth’s words are beautiful. They speak for themselves. I strongly recommend you go over and read them and give her a big virtual hug if you’re so inclined.

In the mean time, I leave you with her last paragraph from a recent post:

Please, after you read this, call your mother and tell her you love her. That you’re thankful for every moment of love she’s given you. And mean it. You don’t even know how lucky you are.

Today is my mom’s birthday. Excuse me while I call her to tell her how glad I am that I get to celebrate it with her.

Happy Birthday, Dude

Dude. Did you know today is your 6th birthday? Of course you did. You’ve been planning it for months. (I wonder where you get that from.) You know of all the things I wish I had been better at as a mom so far, doing a better job documenting your life is one that really makes me sad. Sure, you’re the first so we’ve got more pictures of you than your brother but, shoot, we didn’t get our first digital camera until you were 9 months old!

I didn’t have it to document my pregnancy, though I do have a couple of pics from then. Ah, my pregnancy…

We found out we were pregnant with you 24 hours after our friends found out they were pregnant with your first buddy, S. After having dinner with them we went home and I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. I told your dad, who was in the middle of a Madden game on his Playstation 2. He was playing online so he insisted on finishing the game before going to the store to get another test to confirm. Sure enough, the second…and third…and fourth tests all came back positive.

We were a couple weeks from coming home for Christmas so we didn’t tell our family until we got there though we’re pretty sure we called your Uncle LaRon. Your Auntie Chi Chi and your cousins picked us up from the airport so they were the first to know. When we told my parents, Nina and Papa, Nina was in bed reading and Papa was standing next to the bed folding his underwear. Talk about awkward. He said to your dad, “Good job!” Uh…yeah, that was pretty weird too.
 
Of course everyone was excited, but then came the fun stuff. My boobs hurt so much in those first few weeks that I was sure that the pregnancy test was wrong and I, in fact, had a gigantic, fast growing breast tumor. Dr. Google told me that the hormones that pregnancy tests detect mimic those set off by women with breast cancer. Great. I wasn’t pregnant. I was dying. Wonderful.

But you quickly brought me back to reality. Boy did you make me sick. I felt like I couldn’t go 30 minutes without eating. Like many pregnant women, I craved weird stuff. I drank gallons of lemonade and chocolate and mint chocolate chip milk shakes. I ate pancakes and cereal and avocado sandwiches. I sucked on green apple Jolly Ranchers. I didn’t do well with foul smells. I threw up a lot.

I worked and went to school through my whole pregnancy. Full time at both. Your dad and I drove to and from DC together. We’d listen to the radio. You loved 50 Cent and Ludacris. You’d dance and kick around in my belly. One of my professors kept bringing in pizza (for the class) and cinnasticks (just for me). I’m not sure how I would have gotten through that semester without them.

Hours after my last final, as I was sitting on the runway at DCA on my way to see her to say goodbye, Papa’s mom died. Gigi, to you. She was so excited about you. I walked down the aisle at her memorial service thinking how sad it was that she’d never meet you. She would have loved you. Heck, in many ways you are her.

pregnant

I developed a bit of hypertension at the end there. A stressful job (look up McCain-Schumer 2003 some day and you’ll understand why), the DC heat and my anxiety to meet you were an interesting mix. I got to spend three weeks at home (on “disability” leave) before you came. I couldn’t sleep. So I watched every episode of 24 and Sex in the City on DVD. I then taught myself to play Madden ’04 on Playstation 2.

Fridays were movie days. I’d go by myself to a matinee and eat popcorn and drink Cherry Coke. I saw My Boss’s Daughter and Freddie v. Jason. OMG they were awful. I was ready for your arrival.

We scheduled an induction. For Labor Day. Talk about irony.

That day, I went to the driving range and hit a giant bucket of balls. I heard exercise could speed up labor. I wanted you to come out on your own. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you.

Later on, my friend Sophia took me to Olive Garden to carbo-load on the neverending pasta bowl. I needed the energy, she said. Afterwards, we picked Nina up from the airport and we checked into the hospital.

They strapped me up with a monitor and said I was having contractions. I was? Yeah, apparently that tightening in my tummy? Yup, that was it. Who knew? They gave me cervadil anyway.

Ends up that pasta was a bad idea. A very bad one. Your dad doesn’t do well with puke, and me? Well I wasn’t gonna let him off that easy. I was in pain, what can I say. If I was gonna push a kid out the least he could do was hold a kidney shaped plastic thing so I didn’t vomit all over myself. He survived.

In the morning I asked for an epidural stat. Then came the petocin. And TV. Lots and lots of TV. You were…deliberate.  Around Wheel of Fortune time they said I was ready to push and push I did. I guess. I don’t really know, that epidural was working wonders. Until it wasn’t. Um ow.

But by that point it became clear that you had your dad’s stubborness. You were head down but you were faced the wrong way. The doctor would try to turn you with each contraction but it wasn’t working. You’d flip right back. We needed to do a C-section, she said. Right away.

Apparently the surgery went well. But these breastfeeding people had me scared to death that if you didn’t latch on as soon as you were out then you’d reject me for all time and become some sort of drug addict criminal asthmatic. Or something like that.

But these people wouldn’t let me have you. Daddy got to touch you and hold you but I got to have my belly “massaged” so blood wouldn’t build up inside of me. There are differing opinions on exactly how serious it was. Nina was in the hall completely freaked out. Your dad was doting over you. And I was wondering when the nazi nurse would let you suck on my boob. I later learned that excessive bleeding can be a common complication from an induction-turned-C-section. It can be quite dangerous. I’m glad it ultimately wasn’t.

Scoot.9203

The first night in the hospital, though? Yeah you wanted to nurse. A lot. And you were totally doing it wrong so it hurt. And it wasn’t satisfying to you. Finally I had the nurse give you some formula. You inhaled it and slept…well.

The days ran into each other. The other Papa (your dad’s dad) came to visit us and Nina went off to Manomet. You were jaundice and I was worried you wouldn’t get to come home with us. But on the last day of my stay you suddenly improved. So we took you home and had chocolate cake for dinner. What can I say, Papa likes chocolate cake. You? Not so much. You were up all night screaming. Your Papa? He’s the best father-in-law a lady could ask for. On your first night home from the hospital, he took you and rocked you in his arms and sang you songs so your dad and I could sleep. Boy did we need it.

I’d say the rest of the days are a blur, but they’re not. I remember them clearly. I remember the day, after a couple weeks of frustration and depression, that I turned my life over to you. I sat in the backseat of our 2003 Nissan Maxima, pulled over on the freeway, bawling, nursing you so you’d stop crying out for me. It was then that I told you that you were now the center of my world. It was then that I truly understood feeling so strongly that your needs would always come before my own, that I would walk to the ends of the Earth for you.

I gave you permission to rule my life. I gave myself permission to be ruled.

One might think that the next line should be that you turned into a spoiled brat, but you didn’t. Instead you became a smart, funny, affectionate, compassionate, sensitive, caring, daring, active little boy that, with each passing day, steals a bigger and bigger piece of my heart.

That day, six years ago today, you made me a mother. Every day you teach me how to be a better one. Happy Birthday, D. I love you and I am so so proud of you.

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