Monthly Archives: June 2009

Lessons Learned: My Silver Lining

So the tale of the stolen car appears to be approaching an end. Last Sunday morning at 12:30 am we got a call. From the Monterey Park police. Yeah, we didn’t know where Monterey Park was either. Ends up, the ever-diligent police in Monterey Park recovered our car. This is still an active investigation criminal case going on so I’m not going to go into too many details but the car just returned from its journey back up the 400+ miles to a shop up here for some minor repairs and major detailing.

I’m hoping this post is the last I’ll have to say about this drama, as I already detailed pieces of this saga here and here. But I wanted to take the time to reflect on some of the lessons that I’ve learned and things I’ve discovered from this mess. Hopefully some of them will be helpful to others. In honor of my fabulous (and first) girls’ night out last week with Meghan, I’m going to completely steal imitate her bulleted post style. (Imitation is the highest form of flattery, honey. Just go with it.)

BTW, I had so much fun with Meghan, Julie and Andrea. I’ve known Julie was awesome for a long time since she’s my friend and colleague but this was my first time meeting Meghan and Andrea in real life and they’re both awesome and not crazy axe murderers. Double bonus! Anyway, back to my lessons… Here we go…

  • When you buy a new car, make sure you insure it right away. In California there is a period during which you are assumed to have coverage through your existing insurance company. However, this is one of those things I’d rather not press my luck on. No Whammies! We had double-checked to make sure the insurance paperwork went through. Literally the morning that the car was stolen. Thank gawd! Also, this is a great time to go over your coverage with your insurance agent. Here are some questions to consider:
    • If you had an accident today, how would you pay the deductible? Do you have the cash on hand? If not, maybe you should consider dropping your deductible (which means paying more per month but not tons more). Not doing so has a name. It’s called “self-insurance.” And it’s a risk. Perhaps a good risk but a risk nonetheless.
    • Do you need a gap policy (which covers the difference between the value of your car and the amount you actually owe)? If you owe money on your car and either paid sticker price or don’t know what invoice price is, the answer is probably yes, at least for the first few years. If you’ve already paid off your note, the answer is definitely no.
    • If your car went into the shop for repairs, would you need a rental? If so, paying a couple of bucks a month to get coverage for one might be a good idea. We’ve had ours for 18 days so far and will not be getting rid of it for at least another week and half.
  • Capital One was on to something…it’s a good idea to know what’s in your wallet. The car was stolen at 5:32 pm-ish. By 5:55 pm we had every credit card, check card, etc. shut down. (Reminder: Scoot’s wallet was in the car when it was stolen.) Saved us a whole lot of hassle dealing with identity theft or credit card fraud on top of grand theft auto. According to the officer who took our case, the first thing car thieves often do is fill the car up with gas, especially if they got a victim’s credit card with it. (Because, really? Who’s checking IDs at a gas station?) When you notify the credit card company, their fraud protection unit can coordinate with the police (you need to give them your case number) to track when and where it’s used. Or so they say. We haven’t been notified of any fraudulent card use so I can’t personally vouch for this.
  • Big customer service fail for Best Buy attempting to sell that credit card protection while I was reporting a card stolen. Credit card ambulance chasing sucks. I’ll forgive them because they give me awesome 0% interest deals all the time but it really was not ideal timing.
  • It’s a great idea to learn how to rekey a lock. Because those locksmiths kind of want to be paid for their work and when it’s midnight on Friday night and you have no method of payment (see above) they’re not real likely to come out and help. It’s also great if you have an awesome neighbor who will teach you how to rekey a lock, and who has a rekeying kit at his house because you’d never think to buy such a thing.
  • Photocopy your registration, black out your address and carry that copy in your car. That way if someone gets into your car, you don’t have to worry about whether or not they know where you live. (Hat tip to our uncle who works for the CHP.)
  • It’s a good idea not to carry more stuff in your car than you need. Today when I went through the contents of our car, there were things in there I didn’t even realize were there. Like the sunscreen I bought that D kept insisting was in there. The only reason they stole D’s golf clubs was because they were there. Luckily, this car didn’t have all that much stuff in it. It’s a good thing they didn’t get our other car.
  • Along the same vein, it’s a good idea (if you can be organized and have enough foresight) not to carry extra keys with you. Really? Did we need to have our mailbox keys with our car keys? We paid $30 to replace the lock for what? The convenience of not having to go inside when we get home to get the mailbox key? We barely check our mail anyway.
  • Speaking of mail. If you ever have your mailbox key AND your wallet stolen, make sure you rekey your mailbox. If you reorder all your credit cards, they’ll show up in your mailbox. If the thief can still get in your mailbox, um, yeah, that’s a problem and sort of defeats the purpose of getting new credit cards.
  • Panic serves no one. Nor does anger, bitterness or vengeance. Humor, on the other hand, serves almost everyone.
  • Criminals make mistakes. That’s when they get caught. In this matter, patience is a virtue.
  • Cops who have a car stolen in their jurisdiction are not real helpful.
  • Cops who recover a stolen car, especially one being driven by someone who is not the owner of said car, are very helpful.
  • So far I’ve felt like I’m in good hands with my insurance company. Our claims specialist has done a great job communicating with us through all of this. Our claims adjustor was very patient with me today. They’ve at least listened to all of our random requests. And someone who works for one of their competitors said great things about them. I’ll save my grading for when the semester is over but the interim report card would read, “Keep up the good work.”
  • Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. We signed the car over to Allstate last Friday and were simply awaiting confirmation that they’d paid off our loan when the cops called to tell us they had the car. We were planning on going back out into the new car market again that day. Alas, we didn’t need to since they hadn’t in fact paid it. But going from thinking you’re getting a new car to getting an “old” car that’s dinged and dingy is a steep drop. We would’ve been in less shock if we hadn’t already moved on to the next thing.

The last lesson I learned is much too important for a bullet. Through this whole fiasco, it has been our five year old, D, who has led us, not the other day around. I’ve been very honest with him about this whole thing and have tried to answer his questions when he’s had them. But it’s been his answers to my questions that have guided me. When I wanted to lash out in anger, he said he wants to be friends with the guy who stole our car so that he can teach him to do good things. When I wanted to cry, he said he’d rather have our car back broken than get a new one. When I was resigned, he enthusiastically hugged his newly-returned golf clubs.

As strange as this might sound when talking about a kid that’s more than a foot shorter than me, I’ve come to look up to him. I’ve been seeking guidance from him, instead of the other way around. And though I believe my kid is special, I don’t actually think that he’s the only five year old in the world who could, would or does serve this role for a family. There is something so raw, innocent, straight-forward, non-egotistical, unaffected about how kids look at the world that I’m just glad to have one in my life to remind me where my priorities are. Because at the end of the day, they’re definitely not with a car.

BlogHer Party Plane Roll Call

UPDATED!!! If you’re like me, you both relish and cower from networking opportunities. I love to meet new people but I can find big conferences overwhelming. So when I heard other Californians on Twitter talking about getting on the same flight from LAX to Chicago-Midway for BlogHer ’09 I thought, what a great idea…do some pre-conference networking in a smaller group. Since I can’t fly directly from Sacramento to Chicago-Midway on Southwest, I’ll be going through LAX and boarding the so-called “#partyplane” with a bunch of women who I’ve been chatting with over Twitter for the past year.

Below are the bloggers I know are on the party plane (thanks to Heather’s roll call and Kim’s memory). (There are a couple more that I’m pretty sure are on it but I haven’t confirmed so don’t want to give misinformation.) Are you on the party plane? If so, add your name via comment or email me at lifebehindthecurve [at] gmail [dot] com and I’ll put you on here too.

Emmie (@EmmieJ) from Life Behind the Curve

Lex (@laprimera) from On the Side

Heather (@mamaspohr) from The Spohrs are Multiplying

Mike (@newbornidentity) from The Newborn Identity

Meghan (@AMomTwoBoys) from A Mom Two Boys

Kim (@houseofprince) from House of Prince

Miss (@JustOneMiss) from Just One Miss

Red Lotus Mama (@RedLotusMama) from Red Lotus Mama

Yvonne (@joyunexpected) from Joy Unexpected

Stefanie from Baby on Bored

Adrienne (@adriennevh) from Adrienne’s House (she had to change her flight to Wednesday so she’s on here as an honorary Party Plane attendee)

Undomestic Diva (@undomesticdiva) from Undomestic Diva

Tina (@sendchocolate) from Send Chocolate NOW!

Suebob (@suebob) from Red Stapler*

Katie (@overflowinbrain) from Overflowing Brain*

Stephanie (@bizziemommy) from BizzieMommy

Caryn (@rockinmama) from Rockin Mama

Elizabeth (@MintCool) from Traded My BMW for a Minivan 

 VDog (@VDog) from VDog+Little Man^

Jennifer (@thesmartmama) from The Smart Mama

Lee (@LeeofMWOB) from Moms Without Blogs

 * = Outbound flight only

^ = Return flight only

Update: Oh, and if you haven’t already heard, @undomesticdiva went to great lengths (no pun intended) to get transportation to the hotel for all of us (and our luggage, because that girl thinks of everything). Woot! Kim (@houseofprince) is working on arranging return transportation so be sure to let her know if you need it. Cost will be $20 per person plus tip. And many many thanks to Southwest Air (Christi @SouthwestAir) for giving us coupons for a lot of little liquid courage. She must have known that there were quite a few #partyplaners who are a little anxious about flying. :)

How Like a Winter Hath My Absence Been

Ever since I moved to Sacramento from Washington, DC, I’ve had people ask me if I miss DC. Usually my response is, “Oh heck no!” Why? Well…let me count the ways:

  • Hot, humid summers
  • Long, cold winters
  • Winters not long or cold enough to teach drivers how to drive in snow
  • Commuting on 395
  • Enduring 9/11 and the Beltway Snipers
  • Getting on the Beltway going in the wrong direction and going the ENTIRE way around to get to where you need to go
  • My ENTIRE family in CA
  • Every vacation day spent visiting family which does not always equal vacation

But ask me that question when I’m in a very honest mood this week and I’d probably tell you that I have a wee bit of yearning right now. Why? Well, because I’m a total dork.

It’s not the cherry blossoms, the history, the fact that Barack Obama is President, though all of those would be great reasons to be there. It’s health care reform.

*Record screech*

“What did she say?”

Yeah, I said it. I admit it. I’m a complete and total dork.

I’m going to miss being in DC for this summer’s health care reform debate.

I got my master of public policy degree from Georgetown because I wanted to be where the action is. I wanted to learn from people who actually make public policy every day. And I wanted to know that what I was doing was meaningful. That was the kicker for me. I wanted to be in the trenches DOING something…not just being an academic (like I thought I would if I pursued a law degree or a PhD).

I’ve been through this whole pass-major-health-care-legislation-during-the-summer thing once. I worked at the pharmaceutical industry’s trade association during the debate and passage of the Medicare Modernization Act of 2003. Why Congress decides to pass “good” legislation during the summer I’ll never understand, but I spent that summer working 12 hour days (Side note: I was totally pregnant during all of this…imagine how fun that was!), watching C-SPAN into the wee hours of the morning, and talking about amendments and floor debates and cloture. Say what you will about the bill itself, those of us who are policy wonks or political hacks LOVE being in the middle of a good fight debate.

Don’t get me wrong. I was just one of a very large group of people working on this legislation. But man, that stuff is fun. You don’t go to baseball practice and not get excited about a game. You don’t become a surgeon and not get excited about a surgery. You don’t become a cop and not get excited about arresting criminals. And you don’t go into policy and not get excited about analyzing and advocating for policy.

So, I’ll just say it here and now for the record. Yes, DC, I’m going to miss you this summer, as hot and muggy as you may be.

Dear Bad Guy

Our car was stolen on Friday. Our five year old wrote a letter to the people who stole it which started, “Dear Bad Guy.” I thought I’d follow suit.

Dear Bad Guy,

My 5 year old, D, has been writing to you. And talking about you. And clearly thinking about you.

He’s said things like, “I wish the bad guy [that's you] would be my friend so I can teach him not to do bad things.”

He cried when I told him that you took his golf clubs that he got as a preschool graduation gift last year. He doesn’t yet know that the card with all 700 tickets that he’s earned from his favorite arcade was in his dad’s wallet and that the last two years of saving up for a really good prize was all for naught.

He was your victim in so many ways.

He was hungry on Friday when we went to the gym to pick up his dad after you stole our car. He wanted to eat McDonald’s (just the chicken and apples because, as he puts it, “Fries are not healthy.”). When I told him we couldn’t because I had to shut down all of our credit and debit cards so you couldn’t use them, he offered to go home and get his wallet so he could buy us dinner. He carried that wallet around all weekend, offering to pick up the tab wherever we went.

He was afraid to come into our house after you took our car, since you got our house keys too. He’s talked about moving. He thinks his dad shouldn’t play basketball anymore. He says he wants to be a police officer and a super hero so he can catch bad guys like you.

But those are just the direct effects you’ve had on him. There are indirect ones too; like when our patience is short and our tempers flare because we’re stressed over the hassle and financial burden your theft has caused; or when I hold him as close as possible and cry and he asks, “Mommy, what’s wrong?”

You stole much more than a set of golf clubs or a car. You stole his innocence, that belief that no one, not even you, would do him wrong, especially when he hasn’t done anything wrong to you. All kids have to learn at some point that there are bad guys in the world, or at least that there are people who do bad things, but did he have to learn that lesson at age five? Did you have to teach him that right now?

And yet, it is not he who is the childish one here.  Who has shown the most maturity, the person who took something that wasn’t his or the one who has shown great empathy and mercy to a thief?

You hurt my son — who I carried for nine months in my womb, who I labored for a chance to meet, who I nursed at my chest, who I moved across the country to please, whose boo boos I kiss, whose stomach I fill, whose back I clothe, who I work all day to provide for — and all I want to do is hate you for it.

But then I think to myself, what a disservice to D. He’s not hateful, he’s hopeful. In fact, when he asked his dad why bad guys stole his mommy’s car and was told, “Because some people do bad things,” he replied, “But some people do good things. Like me.”

You’ve demonstrated everything that’s bad about people. He’s demonstrated everything that’s good about them.

Dear bad guy, you’ve been totally outclassed by a five year old. Your mother would be so proud.

Love a truly proud mother,

EmmieJ

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