Monthly Archives: March 2009

What Weekend Am I Working For Again?

I was the kid in college that went home every weekend. And I’m not kidding. I mean every weekend. In my first two years of college at the University of San Francisco, I spent one entire weekend there. One. My roommates and friends complained, but I got my husband, and subsequently two beautiful children, out of it so I’m definitely not complaining. (I transferred after my first two years to New Jersey so didn’t get home nearly as much after that.)

But regardless of why I did it, the fact of the matter is that I missed out on things that my peers were experiencing by being around on the weekend. Even though I was content with my decision, I still was never fully in the groove of being away at college.

Recently, I’ve got that feeling again: the feeling that I can’t possibly keep up with my Monday through Friday life because Saturday and Sunday requires traveling to another world, and vice versa. To be fair, this is all my own doing. But I actually told Scoot this morning in the car that I can’t wait until D starts playing sports and having other activities on the weekend so that we have to stay put.

Honestly I’m not sure when the most recent round started. We had a good streak going early in the year. But recently, the trips to the Bay have picked up. We tend to go through cycles when a bunch of things happen all at once and we end up going away more weekends than not. Most of the time that means going home to Palo Alto. Sometimes it means going elsewhere.

Recently, I’ve been lucky in that I’ve “had” to go to awesome places. Two weeks ago, my cousin – whose name, strangely enough, is Emily Johnson…and yes, she’s older than I am…which says a lot about my parents’ creativity …no offense, Mom and Dad – sang the lead role in the Opera “Carmen” in Santa Barbara. Given that Carmen is my favorite opera (though I admit my opera knowledge is fairly shallow) and that I will be naming my next child (if I’m so blessed) Carmen or Cameron because of this opera, I had to see it for myself. And sure enough, I agreed with the reviews. She was awesome. She was hands down the best actor on the stage and her voice is beautiful. Apparently I come by my not-so-soprano voice naturally (though I claim no actual skill in singing).

Anyhow, there was no way I was going to miss this, but I couldn’t bring a 5 year old and a 2 year old to the opera, so I drove down on that Friday night to Palo Alto by myself (in a rental car), then drove on Saturday morning with my parents to Santa Barbara, returning to PA on Sunday and Roseville on Monday. (Read: entire weekend without my boys or any of my chores being done.)

The following weekend we went to Monterey to visit Scoot’s brother and his wife and their son. It was a great weekend. Again we went to PA first on Friday night, this time to drop off the dogs so we didn’t have to deal with doggy daycare, and then on to Monterey on Saturday morning. We had good eats and sweets and just hung out. Then on Sunday, Scoot and I took D and B to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It was quite a treat for all of us. I haven’t been there in ages (though Monterey was one of those secret places that Scoot and I stole away to when we were cutting school in his last weeks of high school…shhhh…don’t tell). But still, no chores done.

This past weekend, we were home.

*cue music * HALLELUJAH!

The boys and I were up early on Saturday. I had some work to do so sat on the couch as they watched TV. We then dropped off the rental car (which we rented because of a totally different trip that Scoot had to take to the bay for a funeral) and went to see Monsters v. Aliens. We grabbed some cupcakes from our new favorite spot and then came home. I made dinner and Scoot’s childhood friend came over with his kids.

On Sunday I slept in and we all spent time outside (I even got a slight sunburn) doing yard work and attempting to fly a kite in ridiculous winds. We cleaned up a bit around the house, took a nap, and even had the chance to go to the “ice cream shop” (frozen yogurt joint). Yet at the end of a great weekend with my boys, I still felt unaccomplished around the house.

I realize it’s because I simply can’t maintain my house during the week or over the weekend when I take into account all the other demands on my time. I need both…a full seven day week, or maybe even two or three in a row, at home. The weeks between Santa Barbara and Monterey and the weekend at home were both crazy chaotic. It wasn’t just my around-the-house stuff that fell off. I have been eating worse and not working out as much and my sleep schedule is all off.

There is no particular end in sight, as this weekend we’ll be back in Palo Alto for Scoot’s alumni game (and Happy Donuts, per D’s request). Then on Wednesday we’ll be leaving for Michigan for a week.

I fully recognize I will never be able to properly express my gratitude at having family so close. I just hope none of y’all care when you come over and my dishes or laundry from three weeks ago are still awaiting my attention.

360 of Sorts

I shredded Monday with the boys. Felt fine. But my father-in-law has been in town for the past two nights. My abs got a workout from all the laughing watching this though:

Radar Bradwell Reporting for Shredding Duty

I can't believe I'm actually posting this on here.

Before from the front. (Look at how bad my scoliosis is. My shoulders are all uneven.)

A year and a half ago, after dropping all of my baby weight from B (son#2), I had a miscarriage. It was a long, painful, emotional process (which I’m sure will make it into another post someday) and despite not having particularly planned the pregnancy, I was devastated. Both Scoot and I medicated ourselves with food. I’ve never been an emotional eater, but I’ve also never been through anything like this. I couldn’t workout because exercise would cause me to bleed (sorry if that’s TMI).

Now that my hormones are finally back to normal, the time has come to get back to my previously (fairly) healthy self. I was pleasantly surprised when a group of bloggers who I follow on Twitter came together to support one another in a 30 Day Shred (a fitness program by that slightly crazy but strangely likable trainer from the Biggest Loser). I thought this would be a great way to get to know those that I follow a little better while working towards my goal of losing 15-20 pounds in the next six months.

I was unable to start at the beginning of March when the rest of my fellow #shredheads did because I was sick, but here I am, joining them in working towards a healthier lifestyle. Here are my starting stats:

Code Name:Radar Bradwell

Tagline:Whatever doesn’t kill you will onlymake you more shredded.

Weight: the same it was when I got married in 2001

Goal: around what it was between D and B

Before - Back

Before from the back.

Diet Plan/Personal Rules:eat breakfast, eat more whole foods, more milk and water, no artificial sweetners, less eating out, daily exercise

Shred Plan: daily (except when I have soccer games); level 1 for no more than 7 days; advance to level 3 as quickly as possible

 

 Day 1 (March 12th)

I started the 30-day shred on a Thursday. Thursdays are strange nights in our house because I’m a fan of Fox’s top shows, 24 and American Idol, which are on Mondays through Wednesdays. I don’t regularly watch TV for the other half of the year, but during the 24 and Idol seasons I often come home on Thursdays and think, “Well, what do we do now?” So this Thursday, I psyched D up and told him we were going to do “eckersize.” He was super excited. We started the video and both D and B began doing the excersises along with me.

It started out ok but the only hand weights I have are 10 pound weights. Note to self: go buy some lighter weights. OMG ouch!

I think I did pretty well. The leg and stomach exercises were ok but man, the arm exercises were tough (again, probably because I was trying to do them with 10 pound weights which were quickly dropped to the floor). I’m quite pleased that the arm exercises hurt so bad because I absolutely love the look of strong arms on women (see Jill Biden and Michelle Obama). I’ve been pleased with what having babies who have to be held for one or two or five years has done for my shoulder muscles, which were previously non-existant. But I haven’t had toned arms for quite some time so the more this DVD works my arms, the better.

D and B were totally into doing the excersizes with me. But as soon as Ms. Jillian pulled out the hand weights, the boys tried to grab mine so they could keep up. That was a non-starter so D says, “Mommy, plause it. I got a great idea.” He went running off upstairs. He came back with these: 

D's "Weights"

D's "Weights"

Not just one pair, he brought a pair for B as well. Now I have online and IRL Shredheads to get me through this.

Day 2 (March 13th)

Played in a (co-ed league) soccer game, so thought shredding could possibly kill me.

Day 3 (March 14th)

OK, so this isn’t going quite as well as I had hoped. I was planning on getting up this morning to shred with my 9-year-old nephew but we went to bed too late so after I woke up this morning, I had to get on the road to Santa Barbara with my parents. But I’m hoping to do something tomorrow. We’ll see how it goes.

Learning from Losing

D taking a shot.

D taking a warm-up shot.

Tuesday was D’s last day of basketball class. After a review of the fundamentals they’d learned over the past four weeks, the boys and girls competed in a scrimmage. As one might expect from putting 10 four- and five-year olds on a basketball court, chaos quickly ensued. Despite being called for “traveling” two or three times (the kids didn’t really get the whole dribbling thing…they just ran with the ball), D made a basket and had a fabulous time. He, along with other kids from both teams, proclaimed that they had won the game. (D was wrong. His team actually lost.) His face beamed with pride when he was handed his certificate of accomplishment.

As the kids headed toward their parents on the sidelines, I heard a mom next to me say to her son, “I heard what you said on the court. You said, ‘Everybody won.’ That’s being a good sport. I’m so proud of you.” I nearly tripped over myself rushing to cover D’s ears so he wouldn’t hear the remark.

Why, you may ask? Because it’s not true. Everybody doesn’t win. It’s not possible. And I’m not going to lie to my kid and tell him that it is.

I don’t fault this mom for wanting to teach her kid to be a good sport, but I don’t think I need to tell my kids that “everyone wins” in order to teach them good sportsmanship.

Sports allow us to teach our kids valuable lessons that they will use for years to come. I want my sons to play sports (and not specialize in any one sport too soon) so that they explore their likes and dislikes (which is why they’ll also be encouraged to try other non-sports pastimes); learn discipline, sportsmanship and teamwork; get exercise and establish a healthy lifestyle early in life; and, yes, to learn how to approach victory with humility and defeat with grace.

B getting in on the action.

B getting in on the action.

Should we really be telling our kids that everyone wins, when in life they won’t always win? At some point they’ll probably apply for a job they really want and not get it. At some point their girlfriend or boyfriend will break their heart. All throughout their lives there will be times when things don’t go their way.

I want my sons to be prepared for those times. I want them to know that we have two ways to approach adversity: “we can run from it or we can learn from it.” (Why, yes, I did just quote Rafiki from the Lion King.) How can they possibly learn from something they’ve been shielded from experiencing?

Losing sucks. I hate losing and I’m sure my kids will too. But I won’t lie to my kids about winning and losing. That’s why, when D kept yelling, “Blue team won!” we sat him down and explained to him that the other team scored more points, meaning his team didn’t win. Doing so didn’t break his heart. He’s still looking forward to the next time he gets to play basketball. But we used this opportunity, as we’ll use others, to help him and his brother develop the character that will get them through life’s victories and defeats.

Mutuality of Parentage

I don’t believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers.  It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage.  Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. 

~Maya Angelou

My sons, three years and three weeks apart in age, have been best friends since son #2 was born. I’d love to take the credit for sufficiently preparing my mama’s boy for the birth of his baby brother, but really it was all his own doing. He’s been generous and kind and protective from Day One and I absolutely love him for it.

At this point in time, they insist on sharing son #1′s twin bed. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to break them of that habit. I find it hard to try because I love that they love each other’s company so much that they can’t bear to sleep in seperate beds. At night when they’re in bed playing around and giggling, as they’re doing now, I have to challenge myself to be the disciplinarian and insist that they go to sleep (or write a blog post and hope they fall asleep on their own).

Watching their relationship grow is as fulfilling as watching each one of them grow individually. I wonder how it will continue to evolve, whether hanging out with his little brother will ever bore or embarass son #1, whether son #2 will be confident and self-sufficient enough to handle that kind of rejection, and whether their brotherhood will endure the pain that siblings so often cause each other. Maybe they’ll be like this forever. One can only hope…

On a side note, today is my sister’s birthday. I love you and hope you had a good day, sis. Happy Birthday!

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